Okay, lets fast forward.... Its a new year, LIKE 2009!!  So much has happenend that I don't even know where to begin, first off, lets just clear up the Mike issue.... No he did not ever have any attraction to me, I was not his type.and fortunately for me, Mike was wise enough to know He was not my "type", and bluntly stated it, so that we could remain friends, I cut things off with Al Jr. all together, in Jan. of -06... and happily,  I moved on, but I was able to keep Mike's friendship. Mike  just recently took a job in California, and HE took his girlfriend, of 1 yr...(Rhonda) with him... and she is really HIS type.. and super nice. SO... now, all that being said,Let me tell ya this about how I moved on, In March of O6, I was out singing, (I had actually seen & talked to this young man before, on a couple occassions) but in March,  I met the man, who would be my NOW husband.... and Oliver gave me the beautiful son we have together... We were married in November of 2006, and it was a gorgeous British wedding,there are lots and lots of good things about Oliver... he's beautiful, he's young, passionate, energetic, charming, LOYAL & devoted to me and Gianna & Logan... He's sweet, caring, handsome, considerate, and is so strong, I always say, if Alabama had been "in" England, he would have been born there... He's quite the "redneck"... haha. He works hard, plays hard, comes home to ME, and tells me that I am sexy, that I am beautiful, and never ever complains about anything I feed him... (not that my cooking is bad) its just different than what he grew up with in England. he would eat Meat & potatoes for every meal if I let him, but IF I put okra or yellow rice, or any southern cuisine in front of him, he will eat it, and tell me it was delicious, WHICH is very nice... *however, he doesnt care for spaghetti, so.... MY all time favorite food is heartburn hell for him... and I don't make it for him, ever... I just make it for me, and cook him something "special"... and we work it out so that we are both happy...ok, so... Gianna loves Oliver, and I've come to learn alot about myself, thru being with him. When I was pregnant with Logan, we lived in a beautiful house, with a pool, in a fancy shmancy golf resort..the rent was too much for us to handle, and we had to move.. and it caused some big heartaches, we had to make some sacrifices, so that I would be able to stay home with Logan, honestly, ITS worth it,. and I AM so much happier here, years later, with Oliver, logan,& gianna, just US, living in a little house, with a yard, no pool... a tree house, a porch, and next door to my good buddy, JIM kipp... Oliver fishes on the lake, Gianna plays with the little girl next door, and I get to stay home with the baby!!! Logan is simply a JOY, and he is a wonderful little boy.Gianna will be 8 soon, and she is a fantastic Big Sister! Truth be known, I never thought I would have a son, but God has a sense of humor, and I am so grateful for my life now... I never expected to be happy again, never expected to be loved so much, or to have a wonderfully simple life, here in Florida... especially after my year at the "camp"... I am still trying to figure ME out, but its ok, I am thrilled to have a family here that is supportive & caring. Things arent always perfect, but thats ok too... we know we are RICH, in so many ways.

its Super Bowl Sunday, I am at Jim's checking my mail, yesterday  we had a party for gianna, and we had a really good time, LINDA went way over and above the call of duty. I thought my Mom was going to get a cake for Gianna, cuz I bought one for her class party, anyway .. it is water under the bridge now, I think she is such an outstanding wonderful little girl, she is five now. smart, beautiful, and very much like her two sisters, so much that it makes my heart ache, just missing them. wishing I had my three girls together, giving them a home life that they deserved. I am really disappointed in will lately. I am struggling so hard to do the right thing, working, taking care of gianna, doing the MOM thing is what I am ''good''... at, but I need his help with her school registration, I don't think he gets it. since the day HE walked out, HE changed his mind, everyone else paid the price, and financially he has not been accountable, I didn't ask for much when he initially left, because I kept thinking he would come home, we would work things out, so he would come by when it was convenient, and drop me between 20- to 50 bucks depending on how much he made in tips. but then we agreed on the 400 a month   before we went to court later, so that the courts would not ride his butt, and I wanted to move to florida, so NOW, he's stable, he's making more  in a weeek, than I do, in a month..  he SEEMS so angry that he has to pay anything..at all. IT goes to Gianna. not to me, I need things for her, I provide everything else, while he gets to sit back and be "critical" of me for my job choice,? he sat on his butt for 3 yrs, and never really "supported" his family. I raised 3 girls, JIM paid child support, even when Will and I lived in Clovis, we really needed the check from JIM in order to make ends meet with the girls, but then JIM bought the house & the rest is history. I am sick with worry most of the time, that Will would try to manipulate the situation to keep Gianna. I simply do not trust anymore. and until Kristy pays child support, I don't feel that I should have her shoved down my throat. its sickening. watching the pain that this man, has brought into everyone's life,  and I am supposed to just get on with it, like its "OK".. and now he has it stuck in his head that he wants Gianna to go there, NO way in hell am I going to let him take my daughter from me, I know how this story goes, from the "poor house to the big house".. well, money is not everything I would sacrifice all of my child support if he would only go away, , and will's credibility has to come into question, ,  let him just go on with his life, have Kristy procreate for him, marry her, buy a nice "mansionette" in Fresno, live with the nursey wife, do NOT mess with my child.. let me have peace.  on the other hand... if he would live up to his obligation, and look at the long term affects for gianna...  all he gives her benefits HER , not me, it adds to the quality of life that she has, I don't drive an expensive car, I don't live with my mom or share Bills with my MOM, or have a fancy new car that daddy got for me, I want good, I want my education completed, so that No one can take that away from me.. I need time to get my crap together, so that I can buy a house,  I will not be held back anymore, I am not going to limit my opportunities. I have thought about going into appraisals here, in florida... we'll see how Will  likes that maybe I could do that at the same time I am getting my counseling degree.. or education degree .. ha ah.. hoo hoo .. naw, I am just kiddin. I know what I am good.at,, I just cant get paid for it. cackle cackle.. yeah well, if it even matters, MIke has got to get out of my head,  haven't returned my calls, it is ok. I figured this would happen once I told him how I felt. run run, no attatchments, no risk, no hurty da hearty. no connection. who am I kiddin' I cut every one out of my life, to have some INTegRiTy. and look what it got me.. a snivelling evening with the movie Sliding doors and a box of tissue, and ice cream. sooo. there ya have it, I think I love him.. awww unrequitted love, how special.  snnnnaaark. anyone got to poop?

 um..phherrrrrrrtttt..... >>~~~~ sorry. its been a super fantastic weekend. Linda came down on Thursday,  Friday I went to dinner with Jim, Linda, and MIKE.. woo hoo. still getting those "three pat" hugs.. which are good. he is very attentive, funny.. he makes me laugh, and God my CHEEKS hurt. I suppose the evening coulda been more eventful, but we have this odd amazing connection.. I shake inside when I am near him, and the more I try to stop the "shaking" the worse it gets.. and sometimes I say the stupidest things.. LIKE for example.. we are standing Outside of Manny's (waiting for Linda to get outta the potty) so.. we are there, and this song comes on the radio~ we are standing near each other, and he takes my arms and puts them around his waist, then he puts his arms around my neck.. and I felt like this bolt of electricity thru me.. and I grabbed him by the back of the neck,,( he says "oh grab me like a man") I was dying. because I whispered in his ear.. Look, its been a looonnng time for me, and I haven't had any in a while, so you gotta quit touching ME!!! I am crazy about him, but I find myself doing and saying the stooopidest things, he makes me nervous, so then we get in the truck, go by the apt. drop off the "doggie boxes" /leftovers... he had a golden opportunity, but didn't even come close to me.. he was walking ahead of me, so I said, hey, wait up, so he says "I'll walk beside you" so then I start doing the "here we come, walkin' down the street, get the funniest looks from... " you know, the monkeys.. theme walk.. and he says, I can't believe you admit that you remember that.. or that you admit you are old enough to remember that.  we laugh, we get in the car, we talk, he plays his fave dwight yoakum song for me, he sings FULL voice, turns the volume down, I love the texture of his voice, the resonance, SO.. we get to liquor up, and I say.. do you want me to wait a minute before I go in? (arrgh, I was trying to look after his interest) he is private, doesn't want people knowing his business, so he tells me.Oh stop it!Be quiet.. knock it off, kinda thing,  and I said, I wasnt trying to be detrimental or negative, but simply looking out for his best interest, he always makes me feel wonderful when I am near him, He is teaching me little bits at a time, pieces of who he is... I want to know him, I look into his eyes and feel like I can see right down into him. I love the stories he tells, I love the way he stands, the way he bites his bottom lip when he concentrates on his pool shots... I like the way he says... to me.. "say IT, say.. it.. I like me some of that, and how he knew who Johnny Lang is,  I can't erase that song, Somewhere down the crazy River.. out of my head, (You like it now, but you'll learn to love it later.) Mike & I .well, we are what we are..I can't help being attracted to him, I don't know if he is in the least bit "attracted to me". I can't read him, I am not sure, one minute he is sitting right next to me, or he'll touch me, and  the next minute he is standin' across the room,  I want to kiss his face...but  I don't want to rush into anything. I want it to be the first kiss, the one that I will remember for ever. Even when I am 88, sittin' in my rocking chair, I can think about a kiss that warmed my soul... a kiss that knew me.. familiar and yet thrilling. So yeah, I made dinner last nite, and Jim watched a couple movies with me, then Mike calls... I had called to see if he was around, or if he ate dinner, I made corned beef & cabbage,  well, he was in tampa, we talked, then got interrupted, talked... interrupted, called back, it was frustrating. I think I am falling for this guy... I need to back off.. , he talked to Gianna on the phone, she threw a cow, when she found out it was Mike on the phone, and she says, can I talk to mike? I asked him if it was ok.then she says "hey Mike", he says his standard, Whaats GOOO in on? gianna says; " I just got out of the tub..''   He says "so you got a shiny hiney.? she says Yeah! giggle giggle,  oh my gosh, it was cute, she says to him, Mike,. I missed you today,  I want to take you to my church/school and I'll introduce you to my teachers,"  he told me that he is amazed that she is 4 yrs old and uses 3 syllable words! IT freeaks me out that she likes him so much, but hey, whats not to love?  so we talked until he had to finish filling up the tank and he said to call him back in 5 minutes, so I did.. then he says, hey can you call me back in 20? I was frustrated, 'cause I couldn't get thru.on the cellphone lines, so there I am looking like a GOOF, calling back & leaving a message, He knows I am just being funny, I hope, I like him, my daughter likes him, we laugh alot... we can be friends..right? so my cynical side kicks in. to Say: what IF he is some kind of sicko.. what if he is yet another "walkaway Joe"? what if he disappears, I am in way too much with him. I want to comfort him, walk with him, put my head on his chest to hear his heart beat.. I want to watch him sleep. sing with him,  & hear his voice in the morning..  I want to take pictures of our footprints, I want to give to him what he needs, there is NO "but"..  I love the fact that I can make him laugh, and his smile, is everything to me.. so there ya have it,